I had nearly forgotten about this blog, honestly. But this, is just something I need to tell someone, anyone. I don't even care if no one reads it, I just need to say or write the words out loud.
I'm losing weight. Rapidly.
Just a couple weeks ago I was was 95 lbs, and I've dropped down to 89, and that was just the last time I checked. I haven't been able to for the past few days because my stepmother took the scale when she moved out.
Stress and weight are never a good combination for me. Now, my mother, who left in January for a job, left that job for a man and has all but replaced me with his three daughters. My stepfamily has moved out of the house and taken everything, including the dogs, with them. I've pushed my best friend away, to the point we don't talk anymore. I've pushed everyone away to that point. The only person I talk to is my dad. Everyone else is just over the computer, text, or not at all. If it wasn't for baby-sitting, I'd think I had gone mute. Last week, I didn't even get out of bed. I just got up once to eat lunch, and then again for dinner. I'm slipping back to how I was. I ache all over and I can't tell anymore why.
Then today, I looked down at my hands and say they were peeling. Lotion hasn't helped at all. I'm so scared this is just another symptom, that I'm getting sicker. I can't be getting sicker, not now. Not on top of all this. I'm leaving or college in just a few weeks, I'm supposed to be happy and free. I can't handle all this, I can't.
And I can't eat. I make myself eat but it's not enough. In just two months, I've lost nearly 10 lbs. And that's without ballet. If this was the school year, I shudder to think how much I would have lost. I know I need help, but who can I tell? I've pushed away anyone I can actually talk too, and can hold me while I cry. The only ones I have left, are the ones from chat. But we're already falling apart again. I've already bothered them with just angry vents, I don't want to bother them with this. I don't know how, I've forgotten how to tell people, I've forgotten how to ask for help. I just want someone to hold me, and tell me this is a nightmare. I just want to wake up and find out it's December. That this year hasn't happened.
